My City, My Heart

What a sight you are
My heart quickens and my breath catches
As I approach your inner limits
Concrete jungle is what they call you
Steel beams erupt from the ground
Like a 500 year old Oak Tree
Your roots are ingrained in me
The busy sounds of day catch my attention
Cabs honk, people scream "get out the way"
I look around and see signs that say one way
Streets paved in old gum and candy wrappers
These are my streets of gold
Its my heart you hold
Oh my city, my heart
What a sight you are
My heart quickens and my breath catches
Tallest building in the nation you lay claim
Home to the Bears, Cubs, Sox, Hawks, Bulls, and what's his name...
Oh yeah, Obama
Windy City is what they call you
Never ashamed to boast your fame
Greenest City in America- we're on our way
Taste the city once a year
Festivals for all, come and cheer
As planes and boats zip around
Make sure you save time to party downtown
Or Rush Street or Wrigleyville
There a friend will pick up your bill
Dance the night away to House Music-
Twista or Kanye
Whether you Footwork or Step
You'll never forget the night you spent at Tempo Cafe
Or Nookies where the rainbows lay
State, Michigan, Dearbourne, LaSalle
Would you be a pal and point me in the right direction
El trains wiz by -I can't even lie -
Its a beautiful sight for me to see those people squeezed in all the way to the door
On their way home to Gold Coast, Lincoln Park, Englewood, South Shore
All the neighborhoods I adore
Not as big as New York City
Not as Flashy as Los Angeles
Chicago stands alone
Erected in steel-surrounded by water
Once destroyed by fire
You'll receive my ire
If you talk trash about my city
Cause its such a huge part of me
My city, my heart

What I Want

I am not the flower or candies type of girl
But I do need recognition
I am the kind of person that when I love something or someone I want the world to know
I am proud. I want commitment
I want passion and excitement
And when there is pain I want to know that joy will soon follow because he will stop at nothing to make me happy...
I want respect and admiration for my desire to adopt then to procreate
I want compromise
I want it to be okay that I hate to cook
I want him to call
I want us to support each others decisions and quest to be successful
I want him to love what I love because I love it-just like I love what he love because he loves it
I want him to ask my father for my hand
I want him to get a long with my family
I want my niece to make him laugh and my nephew to call him uncle
I want to live in a three story flat with stainless steel appliances, hardwood floors, and a door man -with him in the city
I want us to have a weekend home in the country
I want us to come back to Illinois every other year to see the family
I want us to travel to Ghana so that my mother knows our children-especially the Asian ones
I want him to love me as much as I love him
I want him to show me he loves me
I want him to fight for me when I say its over
I want him to prove to me that I am wrong
I want him to trust me. I want him to confide not hide
I wanna hear his problems and his fears. I want to know his friends-and him to know mine
I want to be able to call him and tell him a funny story and hear his laugh and for him to call me crazy
I want us to have familiarity
I want us to be that couple that others look at and say they are so in love
But when I look at us now and see that we are no where near some of these things I want
I get a little bit worried because these wants are my needs
And if he can not deliver then I want him to go.

Jealousy

so I am wasted-but I have to write this because jealousy is a nasty emotion ...and I have to get this off my chest. I guess my feelings are hurt- they shouldn't be-because this is not the first time this has happened to me-but for some reason this time has struck me harder. Maybe because she is gorgeous and she proves to be competition unlike the last. I knew then that one kiss and you would shatter like glass. But she -she seems to have a hold on you-you go back to her like a puppy to his master in obedience class. I should have known that there was another girl. I should have known that he was not waiting for me. I should have known that "uncomfortable" was not a cop-out. But I guess that a part of me was hoping this year-this time he -we would be different. I tried not to psyche my self out or read too much into your actions or words... I always thought there was one guy that had my heart, but now I realize it was alone from the start. I guess I am happy for him-I know I am happy for him, but jealousy is a nasty emotion-because the lips I used to kiss are now hers and the joys and pleasures I used to experience now belong to her. But if she makes him smile that smile he used to smile at me, then I know that I am happy for him. I guess that is the joy of memories. Tonite watching them together made me remember-the good and the bad... the things that no one knew but us. The way that we were so happy and comfortable around each other...how did that become uncommitted and unhappiness? I know that my best memory is of the day that I laid on his bed just exhausted and he came in the room and asked me if I was okay and I said that I was just really tired and you put your hand in mine-and I kissed it, and we just laid there, you telling me to go to sleep, and me saying that I did not want to miss the site of you and you promising to be there when I woke-and you were... We were so...so comfortable. That's how I choose to remember you as you move on. She is a nice girl-a really nice girl, pretty, generous and fun-she gave me a piece of her candy-for god sake, I can't hate her for taking what I wanted...Because he hasn't been mine to take for a while and I guess when it all comes down to it. I am really happy for him, but I had to leave because the envy was engulfing me. Every where I turned there they were-couple in love, holding hands and living in their splendor. I got sober real quick and sadden by the realization that once again it was me that was alone-while he held hands with. While she caressed his arm and he smiled at her, I looked around and could not help but frown. It was hard to breathe- I could not believe that again this was happening to me. I thought I was strong u see.. But jealousy is a nasty emotion..

Thought I loved Him

I thought I loved him
But I really don't know many nites I prayed for him-i just couldn't let go.
Days, months, and years passed and it was all the same...
A shudder went down my body when I heard his name
For too long I waited while he screwed around and dated
He had this way of looking at me-it made me glow
I smiled when I talked about him, got excited when he called
And then one day I felt nothing @ all.
I thought I needed him to be strong-but what I did not realize was that I was all along
He has this way of making me feel small, he'd forget to call-he'd do his thing
And I would say nothing at all.
How could we share our lives together without sharing our lives?
How could he not tell me things, but expect me too
I felt as though I did not know him-in love with a stranger
That's the first sign of danger
I only said I love you because you expected me too.
There were things I could not do with you I tried & tried but never wanted to.
I'm not bothered by thoughts of you being unfaithful…
If anything I would find you ungrateful for the years I sacrificed and cried…
While you played and screwed around like other guys.
The only thing I ever wanted you to do was acknowledge me to those that mattered to you
And since you could not do what I asked of you-
I knew that I could never really love you-
But that I had to because finally you thought you loved me.
Every opportunity that you had to express that love; you flew away gracefully like a beautiful white dove…
Leaving me alone to wonder how I would ever recover from this strange love

Baby Mama

I never wanted to be any ones baby mama…
I didn't want to deal with the drama
Of changing diapers-wash'n bibs-cleaning spit ups or
…trying to remember when the last time I did a sit up…?
I didn't want to feel the pain of when he gave some other girl his last name
I didn't want the look that I under took as pity –and how I am no longer pretty
I never wanted to be any ones baby mama…
I didn't want to deal with the drama
Of who picks em up or drops em off-or how much all this shit really cost
I didn't want what was our love to turn into an argument about a broken glove
I didn't want some other lady raise'n my baby
I didn't want to be any ones baby mama…
I didn't want to deal with the drama
Of being another statistic in a sociology book-because I mistook his passion for compassion
I didn't want to lose my freedom-while his remained in tact
I didn't want the title of baby mama and ...
I am not tryin to cause any drama but hes gotta understand my plight
Cause when we fight we create nothing but tension that goes unmentioned
And that is not the proper dimension in which a child should be brought up-
So what we need to do is grow up.
While I must under take the task of wipen that lil dirty ass
He must stand at attention and not forget to mention that he is not a baby's daddy
But that he is a father –and its not a bother to him to have a child that is rambunctious and wild. Because though I never wanted to be any ones baby mama-I AM
And that fact puts me up to bat for its my responsibility to make sure our child knows
That as it grows not only is it loved by its mama-but by its daddy too
And I stress that I will settle for nothing less than his presence in its life
Because I never wanted to be any ones baby mama…
I didn't want to deal with the drama

Karma

Sorry, sorry, sorry
Let me say it again
I can't pretend- I didn't know what I was doin, when I was ruinin your life
Tried to play you like a spade--ace, king, queen... and sometimes two
Little did I know karma was sneaking around on behalf of you...
And you... And you... And oh, definitely you...
Dug my grave as you gave me your heart
Told you from the start what I wanted from you
Tried to call me your boo and I split screaming-- I'm rubber your glue...
Time and time again I'd see karma lurking in the shadows
Tried to keep to myself -- saying it don't matter
But then it struck...
And up went my luck
Like a balloon in the sky, weaving side to side, its own little wave of good-bye
Karma got me good, dead straight between the eyes
No more lies and fake tearful goodbyes
No more its not you but me...
Then going around the corner to be with...
Well, I'm not going to name no names
Cause karma has put me to shame
And thrown this ole' girl out the game
I was the best at what it is I do...
They say what goes around comes around,
So watch out cause now that Karma is done with me...
Its coming for you

Where is Here?

I am lost in the silence of my thoughts
Surrounded by the ghosts of my heart
Burdened by the love in your eyes and the emptiness in my hands
You want to yell it from the roof tops, I want to crouch down in fear
Scared of what I have to say and what you don't want to hear
How did we get here, no one has a map
But I want to retrace my foot steps to see the exact moment when I made a left and you turned right
When I dream at night its not your face I see, can you forgive me?
We are stuck in a place with no name, no latitude or longitude to claim
Further and further away I go as you beg to know- do I love you, yes ...or...no
How did I get here?
Where exactly is here ?
Most importantly how the hell do I get out

Words

Oh I love words...
They are like a gentle lover caressing my body.
Words that rhyme are so divine... Mmm Speak to me...
Big ones, small ones -- there all the same floating across my mind-
There meanings lost to the ignorant and examined by the wise...
Oh how I love words...
Twirling, whirling -- there they go...
All in my mind they never slow
Begging to be released - rolling off my tongue out into the open...
Oh how I love words...
One can stop you dead in your tracks or bring a smile to your face
Like a fine Merlot...ooh I am ready to go
Oh how I love words...
Pick one, any one, say out loud-have a good time...
Wait, you can't have that one, its mine.
W...-O-...R-...D...-S ...
Oh how l love words...
They belong to me, like a captain on his sea
I try to stop myself from saying them but its like breathing-
they come so easy and free.
...Oh how I love words...

Bad Habits, No Regrets

I gotta bad habit let me tell you what it is
First I was friend to a foe, you know how that is
You see I tried to be right- didn't listen to my intuition
Kept turning the other cheek -- like a good Christian
Got caught up in the complexity of the necessity to --- be...
Little did I know I was being played the fool...
Time and time again he would look at me and say, awe baby...
And I would open my arms, my legs, my soul-he soon took control
I should have known from the start that -
It would break my heart....
I gotta a really bad habit..
And his name is love