My systems are down I wish i could just hit Control, Alt, delete -bring up my task manager--- I'd look at all the programs running slow--love life, finances, health, & career. In the status corner it would say --Not responding-- I wish could just hit control a- select them all --- & shut them down... I wish I could click on Norton & run a virus check ... -it would pull up all my insecurities And delete them... I wish I could clear off my desk top-- Put everything in nice rows I wish I could go to into my control pannel- I'd head straight for add or remove programs Uninstall anger, fear, & jealousy I wish I could go to manage my system I'd run a disk space Free up some memory- compress the thoughts of him I wish I could go into appearances Scroll through & select a new background I wish i could log on-line & Download a new version of me I'd likd to see 2.0.1.0 me I wish I could back up all my goals on an external drive I'd like to hibernate after moments of no use I wish I could just hit restart when frozen in a situation Or log off when I am not working like I'm suppose to
One sip Turns to two then three One drink turns to four then five I feel so alive as I dip and I dive Around the bend Here's a fin, lets begin Our downwards spiral Down, down we go Headed to the dance floor We never should have started Now we actin hella retarted Laughing, dancing, flirting-just doing our thing Answering the phone when it rings Knowing we can't hear a fucking thing As Beyonce tells him to put a ring on it... We swag and surf our way to the bar Which seems kinda far Pushing through the crowd Its hella loud We shout back and forth Aint I ... So fresh and so clean... Clean Order another round We still get'n down Bogus Dudes grabbing our waist Time to put em in their place As one sip turns to two then three The sound of the clock keeps going tick tock Last call is announced Time to bounce But Where to next Where's the waitress with the check My eyes are blurry as I head to the lex Outside the air is chill- Now I wondering if I paid my bill Ooh girl My hair is matted Some one shouts Let's go get tatted In a drunken haze we raise our hands to slap 5... Miss each other by a mile wide Giggles erupt People turn to stare But we don't care Stilettos pinching Dress rising Make up caking Cause at the end of the night We'll laugh and we'll fight But once that drink gets in sight we Know everything will be all rite
i am fully clothed, yet i feel as though i am bare as the day i was born in a crowd room, but can't hear a single sound looking around i see people with no faces loneliness creeps in and evades my spaces one by one they disappear leaving me in a room with no rear from light to dark i remain alone on a deserted plain left with my thoughts to comfort me walking silently muted by pain filled with disdain wondering what i have left to gain then a small voice whispers you are not alone, beloved i have come for you who are you, i ask slowly the darkness gives way to light again the voice comes to me i am, the i am
Out of darkness i bring you light only then do i notice the single door Come to Me Beloved My Blood has set you free What beauty stands before me i will never be able to describe i turn and run into the arms of my father, lonely no more.
The darkest times are when you are not here fear creeps in and sits next to me it smiles in my face and laughs at my tears it jolts my pride and mocks my pain the darkest times are when you are not here to calm the waves of grief welling up inside of me drowning in my own sorrow alone besides the shadows of darkness that threaten to consume me the darkest times are when you are not here the power struggle has begun you already know who has won traded in my soul for what... the darkest times are when you are not here.
Lyrics: Going back to the corner, where I first saw you Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move Got some words on cardboard Got your picture in my hand Saying "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am" Some try to hand me money They don't understand, I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man I know it makes no sense What else can I do? How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?
Cause' if one day you wake up and find that your missing me and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be, Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet Then you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street, So I'm not moving I'm not moving
Policeman says "Son you cant stay here" I say there's someone I'm waiting for if its a day, a month, a year, Gotta stand my ground, even if it rains or snows, If she changes her mind, this is the first place she will go
Cause' if one day you wake up and find that your missing me and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be, Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet Then you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street, So I'm not moving I'm not moving I'm not moving I'm not moving
People talk about the guy, thats waiting in on a girl Woooaah -oooh There are no holes in his shoes, But a big hole in his world Oooooh Maybe I'll get famous for the man who can't be moved, and maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news, and you'd come running to the corner, Cause' you'll know its just for you I'm the man who can't be moved I'm the man who cant be moved
Cause' if one day you wake up, and find that your missing me, and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be, Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street so I'm not moving I'm not moving I'm not moving I'm not moving (Cause' if one day you wake up, and find that your missing me, and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be, Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street)
Going back to the corner where I first saw you, Gonna camp in my sleeping bag; I'm not gonna move
Single female, proud to say... No stranger to love, but I stay far away Could wrap my legs around you for a round or two... But the question always remains, will you know what to do? One moment seems so right -- I decide to spend the night Wet kisses, heavy breathing -- are you loving me or seizing ? A mad game you claim, as I try to tame the movements... so distracted by the awkwardness of the moment, my mind begins to wonder... Calculate a list of tasks I have to undertake... As soon as I fake this ahh... ending... Hmm, did I remember to TIVO Sex in the City ... I look up at him -- hurry have pity... Dirty words he whisper as he ask me how it feels.... First thought is -- "is this ni**a for real"... But, "oh yeah baby" is what I say, telling him how I've waited for this all day... Steady counting the minutes, the seconds... reminded of an episode of Sex in the City... "Is it better to 'fake it' than be alone?"...oh, wait time to moan... All I kept thinking is how I'd rather be alone then forced to pretend... I look out the window, skylines a blazing... My eyes float to the clock... 11 on the dot... He smiles down on me, i think its going to end... Eyes float to the TV... expecting a red dot to appear... As he smacks my rear... and collapses. Negative... ZERO...nada. great, just great I've been screwed out of Sex in the City -- figuratively and literally-- twice today.
* disclaimer: Not my true story... but it could be someone elses out there.
Untitled
For me right now its hard to say that i never thought i'd face this day. Alone tired and a shamed. I was afraid when they called my name. One step two steps three. The whole time I just kept asking how could this happen to me. Violated and underestimated. Sorrowful looks as I walked passed. Man, I hate that ass. A gentel caress soon became a hard smack as the sound of my screaming went slack. Buttons flying underwear ripping - then tears dripping. Hand sliding from throat to naval. Mad that I wasn't able-- to stop the pain... he said I was the one to blame. Legs spread wide, feeling nothing but cold inside. Room spinning, eyes tightly shut, a forcefuly thust, now deeply cut. Clinching my hips and then rubbing my breast, its a moment I'll never forget. Five minutes, felt like an eternity especially cause he was burning me. As he pushed in deeper- I kept praying for the grim reaper. Captivated by his charm, didn't think he could do me any harm. Left myself open to this endless round of chockin and unwanted strokin. Faster and faster he went, suddenly collapsing because he was spent. The weight of his body crushed as I gushed out air I didn't even know I was holdin in. He rolled over and off the bed. Held a gun to my head. Said if I told anyone I'd be dead. He grabbed my face and made me look him in the eye- this time I refused to cry. As I looked at the man who stole my male trust, all cause he was feeling a fit of lust. The hospital workers fell in a hush as I told them the story about my crush. I told them I wanted to take a shower, it had been nearly half an hour. I asked if they could hurry with the examination. I apologize for not coming here sooner, for a long time I just laid in bed, feeling my heart turn to lead and praying that come morning I'd be dead.Tears rolled down my face as I felt the warm embrace of first the doctor and then the nurse. She handed me my purse and with a soft curse I climbed down from the hospital bed, tried to walk on legs that were battered and bruised. I past a mirror and became starteled and confused.I didn't recognize The person stairing back at me
My best friend in the world lost her mother on July 8th. I started to write this poem and just got so overwhelmed with grief... I suppose one day I will finish it, but here's all I got so far...
I am going to remember you just the way you were-- A force to be reckoned with Southern bred, city raised A mama to all that came your way Your laugh was infectious, your smile just the same I still smile thinking of how your pronounced my name Ms. Sadie, Ms. Sadie Such a classy lady You taught your children right from wrong And never to cause harm Fearful of God and respectful of all Tamara will miss you -most of all Ms. Sadie, Ms. Sadie Your laugh was infectious, your smile always so bright Its hard to believe we lost you tonight
Black baby, tell me why you cry? Is it cause you ain't red-boned like the others With the long silky hair they got from their white mothers? Black baby, tell me why you cry? Is it cause the guys be giving you the side eye when you walk by? Black baby, tell me why you cry ? Life's not fair my dear So don't shed a tear Cause it's your black beauty that they fear With your rich coco skin Cherry Red lips You've got what the ol' school calls -- birthin' hips Black baby, tell me why you cry? Is it cause when you turn on the TV All you see is skinny girls Waving their diamonds and pearls Shaking their ass -- without much class Black baby, tell me why you cry? You fail to see what you could be If you just dried your eyes Look past the perception of what beauty is Black baby, tell me why you cry?
What a sight you are My heart quickens and my breath catches As I approach your inner limits Concrete jungle is what they call you Steel beams erupt from the ground Like a 500 year old Oak Tree Your roots are ingrained in me The busy sounds of day catch my attention Cabs honk, people scream "get out the way" I look around and see signs that say one way Streets paved in old gum and candy wrappers These are my streets of gold Its my heart you hold Oh my city, my heart What a sight you are My heart quickens and my breath catches Tallest building in the nation you lay claim Home to the Bears, Cubs, Sox, Hawks, Bulls, and what's his name... Oh yeah, Obama Windy City is what they call you Never ashamed to boast your fame Greenest City in America- we're on our way Taste the city once a year Festivals for all, come and cheer As planes and boats zip around Make sure you save time to party downtown Or Rush Street or Wrigleyville There a friend will pick up your bill Dance the night away to House Music- Twista or Kanye Whether you Footwork or Step You'll never forget the night you spent at Tempo Cafe Or Nookies where the rainbows lay State, Michigan, Dearbourne, LaSalle Would you be a pal and point me in the right direction El trains wiz by -I can't even lie - Its a beautiful sight for me to see those people squeezed in all the way to the door On their way home to Gold Coast, Lincoln Park, Englewood, South Shore All the neighborhoods I adore Not as big as New York City Not as Flashy as Los Angeles Chicago stands alone Erected in steel-surrounded by water Once destroyed by fire You'll receive my ire If you talk trash about my city Cause its such a huge part of me My city, my heart
I am not the flower or candies type of girl But I do need recognition I am the kind of person that when I love something or someone I want the world to know I am proud. I want commitment I want passion and excitement And when there is pain I want to know that joy will soon follow because he will stop at nothing to make me happy... I want respect and admiration for my desire to adopt then to procreate I want compromise I want it to be okay that I hate to cook I want him to call I want us to support each others decisions and quest to be successful I want him to love what I love because I love it-just like I love what he love because he loves it I want him to ask my father for my hand I want him to get a long with my family I want my niece to make him laugh and my nephew to call him uncle I want to live in a three story flat with stainless steel appliances, hardwood floors, and a door man -with him in the city I want us to have a weekend home in the country I want us to come back to Illinois every other year to see the family I want us to travel to Ghana so that my mother knows our children-especially the Asian ones I want him to love me as much as I love him I want him to show me he loves me I want him to fight for me when I say its over I want him to prove to me that I am wrong I want him to trust me. I want him to confide not hide I wanna hear his problems and his fears. I want to know his friends-and him to know mine I want to be able to call him and tell him a funny story and hear his laugh and for him to call me crazy I want us to have familiarity I want us to be that couple that others look at and say they are so in love But when I look at us now and see that we are no where near some of these things I want I get a little bit worried because these wants are my needs And if he can not deliver then I want him to go.
so I am wasted-but I have to write this because jealousy is a nasty emotion ...and I have to get this off my chest. I guess my feelings are hurt- they shouldn't be-because this is not the first time this has happened to me-but for some reason this time has struck me harder. Maybe because she is gorgeous and she proves to be competition unlike the last. I knew then that one kiss and you would shatter like glass. But she -she seems to have a hold on you-you go back to her like a puppy to his master in obedience class. I should have known that there was another girl. I should have known that he was not waiting for me. I should have known that "uncomfortable" was not a cop-out. But I guess that a part of me was hoping this year-this time he -we would be different. I tried not to psyche my self out or read too much into your actions or words... I always thought there was one guy that had my heart, but now I realize it was alone from the start. I guess I am happy for him-I know I am happy for him, but jealousy is a nasty emotion-because the lips I used to kiss are now hers and the joys and pleasures I used to experience now belong to her. But if she makes him smile that smile he used to smile at me, then I know that I am happy for him. I guess that is the joy of memories. Tonite watching them together made me remember-the good and the bad... the things that no one knew but us. The way that we were so happy and comfortable around each other...how did that become uncommitted and unhappiness? I know that my best memory is of the day that I laid on his bed just exhausted and he came in the room and asked me if I was okay and I said that I was just really tired and you put your hand in mine-and I kissed it, and we just laid there, you telling me to go to sleep, and me saying that I did not want to miss the site of you and you promising to be there when I woke-and you were... We were so...so comfortable. That's how I choose to remember you as you move on. She is a nice girl-a really nice girl, pretty, generous and fun-she gave me a piece of her candy-for god sake, I can't hate her for taking what I wanted...Because he hasn't been mine to take for a while and I guess when it all comes down to it. I am really happy for him, but I had to leave because the envy was engulfing me. Every where I turned there they were-couple in love, holding hands and living in their splendor. I got sober real quick and sadden by the realization that once again it was me that was alone-while he held hands with. While she caressed his arm and he smiled at her, I looked around and could not help but frown. It was hard to breathe- I could not believe that again this was happening to me. I thought I was strong u see.. But jealousy is a nasty emotion..
I thought I loved him But I really don't know many nites I prayed for him-i just couldn't let go. Days, months, and years passed and it was all the same... A shudder went down my body when I heard his name For too long I waited while he screwed around and dated He had this way of looking at me-it made me glow I smiled when I talked about him, got excited when he called And then one day I felt nothing @ all. I thought I needed him to be strong-but what I did not realize was that I was all along He has this way of making me feel small, he'd forget to call-he'd do his thing And I would say nothing at all. How could we share our lives together without sharing our lives? How could he not tell me things, but expect me too I felt as though I did not know him-in love with a stranger That's the first sign of danger I only said I love you because you expected me too. There were things I could not do with you I tried & tried but never wanted to. I'm not bothered by thoughts of you being unfaithful… If anything I would find you ungrateful for the years I sacrificed and cried… While you played and screwed around like other guys. The only thing I ever wanted you to do was acknowledge me to those that mattered to you And since you could not do what I asked of you- I knew that I could never really love you- But that I had to because finally you thought you loved me. Every opportunity that you had to express that love; you flew away gracefully like a beautiful white dove… Leaving me alone to wonder how I would ever recover from this strange love
I never wanted to be any ones baby mama… I didn't want to deal with the drama Of changing diapers-wash'n bibs-cleaning spit ups or …trying to remember when the last time I did a sit up…? I didn't want to feel the pain of when he gave some other girl his last name I didn't want the look that I under took as pity –and how I am no longer pretty I never wanted to be any ones baby mama… I didn't want to deal with the drama Of who picks em up or drops em off-or how much all this shit really cost I didn't want what was our love to turn into an argument about a broken glove I didn't want some other lady raise'n my baby I didn't want to be any ones baby mama… I didn't want to deal with the drama Of being another statistic in a sociology book-because I mistook his passion for compassion I didn't want to lose my freedom-while his remained in tact I didn't want the title of baby mama and ... I am not tryin to cause any drama but hes gotta understand my plight Cause when we fight we create nothing but tension that goes unmentioned And that is not the proper dimension in which a child should be brought up- So what we need to do is grow up. While I must under take the task of wipen that lil dirty ass He must stand at attention and not forget to mention that he is not a baby's daddy But that he is a father –and its not a bother to him to have a child that is rambunctious and wild. Because though I never wanted to be any ones baby mama-I AM And that fact puts me up to bat for its my responsibility to make sure our child knows That as it grows not only is it loved by its mama-but by its daddy too And I stress that I will settle for nothing less than his presence in its life Because I never wanted to be any ones baby mama… I didn't want to deal with the drama
Sorry, sorry, sorry Let me say it again I can't pretend- I didn't know what I was doin, when I was ruinin your life Tried to play you like a spade--ace, king, queen... and sometimes two Little did I know karma was sneaking around on behalf of you... And you... And you... And oh, definitely you... Dug my grave as you gave me your heart Told you from the start what I wanted from you Tried to call me your boo and I split screaming-- I'm rubber your glue... Time and time again I'd see karma lurking in the shadows Tried to keep to myself -- saying it don't matter But then it struck... And up went my luck Like a balloon in the sky, weaving side to side, its own little wave of good-bye Karma got me good, dead straight between the eyes No more lies and fake tearful goodbyes No more its not you but me... Then going around the corner to be with... Well, I'm not going to name no names Cause karma has put me to shame And thrown this ole' girl out the game I was the best at what it is I do... They say what goes around comes around, So watch out cause now that Karma is done with me... Its coming for you
I am lost in the silence of my thoughts Surrounded by the ghosts of my heart Burdened by the love in your eyes and the emptiness in my hands You want to yell it from the roof tops, I want to crouch down in fear Scared of what I have to say and what you don't want to hear How did we get here, no one has a map But I want to retrace my foot steps to see the exact moment when I made a left and you turned right When I dream at night its not your face I see, can you forgive me? We are stuck in a place with no name, no latitude or longitude to claim Further and further away I go as you beg to know- do I love you, yes ...or...no How did I get here? Where exactly is here ? Most importantly how the hell do I get out
Oh I love words... They are like a gentle lover caressing my body. Words that rhyme are so divine... Mmm Speak to me... Big ones, small ones -- there all the same floating across my mind- There meanings lost to the ignorant and examined by the wise... Oh how I love words... Twirling, whirling -- there they go... All in my mind they never slow Begging to be released - rolling off my tongue out into the open... Oh how I love words... One can stop you dead in your tracks or bring a smile to your face Like a fine Merlot...ooh I am ready to go Oh how I love words... Pick one, any one, say out loud-have a good time... Wait, you can't have that one, its mine. W...-O-...R-...D...-S ... Oh how l love words... They belong to me, like a captain on his sea I try to stop myself from saying them but its like breathing- they come so easy and free. ...Oh how I love words...
I gotta bad habit let me tell you what it is First I was friend to a foe, you know how that is You see I tried to be right- didn't listen to my intuition Kept turning the other cheek -- like a good Christian Got caught up in the complexity of the necessity to --- be... Little did I know I was being played the fool... Time and time again he would look at me and say, awe baby... And I would open my arms, my legs, my soul-he soon took control I should have known from the start that - It would break my heart.... I gotta a really bad habit.. And his name is love
Splash I go as I spill all over the floor A puddle of white liquid A representation of all that is lost You can't undo the done Only learn from what you've won Pain and heartache I hope for your sake You can make good out of bad Cause once you've had spilled milk You can spend a moment being sad... Or you can clean it up
My name is pronounced Uh-fee-yah. I'm a television news producer. In my spare time when I should be doing laundry, dishes, calling my mother back, I get sucked into watching television. I love to go on mini vacations. I wear my I heart Jesus t-shirt proudly. I mentor teenage girls. I would like to spend the winter sleeping, but only bears get to do that. I love to get dressed up and go dancing... but most of the time I'd rather be in sweats on my couch watching a movie. I read romance novels and watch soap operas ... and yet one of my favorite movies is Reservoir Dogs. I love music-- all kinds, I have an appreciation for the arts. I spend my time exploring the city... yet, I live in the suburbs. I'm addicted to Facebook. I love black and white photography. I love high heels, but I hate wearing them. I am a girl... so I am a big contradiction.
