Jealousy

so I am wasted-but I have to write this because jealousy is a nasty emotion ...and I have to get this off my chest. I guess my feelings are hurt- they shouldn't be-because this is not the first time this has happened to me-but for some reason this time has struck me harder. Maybe because she is gorgeous and she proves to be competition unlike the last. I knew then that one kiss and you would shatter like glass. But she -she seems to have a hold on you-you go back to her like a puppy to his master in obedience class. I should have known that there was another girl. I should have known that he was not waiting for me. I should have known that "uncomfortable" was not a cop-out. But I guess that a part of me was hoping this year-this time he -we would be different. I tried not to psyche my self out or read too much into your actions or words... I always thought there was one guy that had my heart, but now I realize it was alone from the start. I guess I am happy for him-I know I am happy for him, but jealousy is a nasty emotion-because the lips I used to kiss are now hers and the joys and pleasures I used to experience now belong to her. But if she makes him smile that smile he used to smile at me, then I know that I am happy for him. I guess that is the joy of memories. Tonite watching them together made me remember-the good and the bad... the things that no one knew but us. The way that we were so happy and comfortable around each other...how did that become uncommitted and unhappiness? I know that my best memory is of the day that I laid on his bed just exhausted and he came in the room and asked me if I was okay and I said that I was just really tired and you put your hand in mine-and I kissed it, and we just laid there, you telling me to go to sleep, and me saying that I did not want to miss the site of you and you promising to be there when I woke-and you were... We were so...so comfortable. That's how I choose to remember you as you move on. She is a nice girl-a really nice girl, pretty, generous and fun-she gave me a piece of her candy-for god sake, I can't hate her for taking what I wanted...Because he hasn't been mine to take for a while and I guess when it all comes down to it. I am really happy for him, but I had to leave because the envy was engulfing me. Every where I turned there they were-couple in love, holding hands and living in their splendor. I got sober real quick and sadden by the realization that once again it was me that was alone-while he held hands with. While she caressed his arm and he smiled at her, I looked around and could not help but frown. It was hard to breathe- I could not believe that again this was happening to me. I thought I was strong u see.. But jealousy is a nasty emotion..